Broken News
Naked Fishing?
The latest Craze to hit Bridlington,apart from No parent families and drug rape is NAKED FISHING. Yes the free Press and Yorkshire Coast radio have both reported on the Phenomena. They of course have no idea who would be stupid enough to brave the arctic weather on south Beach with just a bobble hat... Read more »
Bank Holiday Jez - LIVE @ ROCK-iT Bridlington Fri 30th Jan 9pm FREE ENTRY
“a Rabbit is not just for Christmas” The 2009 live show from BANK HOLIDAY JEZ live at Rock-iT Queens Hotel Fri 30th Jan 9pm Free entry With live songs and comedy armed just with a computer and a guitar Bank Holiday Jez has entertained tens of thousands of people over the past few years at... Read more »
Hottie Corner - New Entrant Becky Crooks
Yup this contest is hotting up. Another Jon fat Beast mate, and indeed Amy Quinns bestest friend. Introducing the babe that is BECKY CROOKS (babe C) Full details and profiles on all the lovely ladies next week plus I will get a dedicated Page written up. There are two more girls preparing their photos.... Read more »
Miss Jon Fat Beast Contest hots up.
Yup saturday night at Rock-iT was a mad one. Beautiful Amy Quinn Babe B was in , talking about the forthcoming contest, where everybody is a winner .Especially me. Kaleigh Varley (Babe A) was at a UK Subs gig with Fish in York but kept in touch all night by Text, and there are two new confirmed entrants,... Read more »
Kirk Brandon may suffer liver failiure after drinking Rock-iT dry
Madness. Back at work after three hours sleep. didn`t leave the venue until well after 5am. Got up. No hangover. I was still pissed obviously. So was Ben, My Northern Monkey of a Boss. At least he was happy. Kirk Brandon checked out of The Queens Hotel, suffering Hot sweats and the DTs but said he had... Read more »
babe vs babe contest jon beasts mad life goes lusty oops
Well, my life just gets stranger, but I like it. on my facebook site (add me as jon Driscoll Leeds if you care too) I have been bigging up my really great mate young beautiful Kaleigh Varley, (see pics on the Penguin) now other young female friends have been saying why cant I be a “babe”... Read more »
Abdoujaparov - Rock-It - Bridlington
Abdoujaparov is apparently, if I remember correctly, a Ukranian cyclist, according to frontman Fruitbat, (yes he of Carter USM fame) who explained this fact during Friday’s storming gig at Bridlington’s finest music venue. Quite what that has to do with Fruitbat’s wry and witty observations... Read more »
East Coast Collective Gig Review
The decision to move the East Coast Collective gigs to Rock-It seemed a logical one for James to make, enabling the set up to have a dedicated music venue as a base for their gigs, and also take advantage of the advice and help of Jon Beast. This was the first gig to be held at the venue, and attracted... Read more »
Gigs
Pop music legend Kirk Brandon, lead singer with Theatre Of Hate, Spear Of Destiny and Dead Men walking amongst others, Makes a rare LIVE appearance at ROCK IT, queens Hotel in Bridlington,The Mecca of Live music in the North. This next Friday,5th December, we present “an Evening with” a 2... Read more »
USM At Rock-iT ????
From: Jon Fat Beast Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 4:14 PM To: brid penguin Subject: secret gig announced next wednesday. the only place we are letting people know is here on the penguin. big up the usm An Evening with “Abdoujaparov” plus secret support act announced on the evening.... Read more »
DRUNKEN LANDLADY in OLD TOWN Naked jogging session
The Landlady of THE PACK HORSE, Sue got so drunk on thursday night she projectile Vomited in the pub, then she took most of her clothes off and ran about in the street. Its disgusting. She still has a hangover three days on. DRINK RESPONSIBLY KIDS ? Read More →
Friday nights alright for fighting (Children in Need Collectors)
We have had six bloody strangely dressed gimps in before seven thirty. Bloody Children in Dicking Need. Well the bastards can stay in need as far as I am concerned. Earlier two ten year olds threw a brick at a white van going down the high street and when an old bloke told them off they threw a brick... Read more »
The Alligators - Rock-It - Bridlington
Saturday 8th November saw the marvellous Bridlington venue Rock-It (named after a guinness-drinking alcoholic dog!) play host to Hornsea blues maestros The Alligators. I arrived at the venue mid-afternoon, because A) I like it, B) it sells beer, and C) the people who hang out there are cool. After a... Read more »
FREE PRESS do Nice Piece about Rock-iT. Shock Horror Probe!!
But there are fewer pages in this weeks edition than I can ever remember seeing. hey ho. The Free Press has only been nominated in four categories at the annual Yorkshire area Local Newspaper awards. Lets just hope they win everything. They really deserve it. The East Coast Sarcasm convention weekend... Read more »
Alastair Griffin off of BBC’s POP ACADEMY Rocks
Alastair played a secret Birthday party at Rock-iT on sunday. I organised it with Tracy Spencer for her 15 year old daughter Nikitas Birthday. He was brilliant. What a star. His own stuff was exceptional and his version of “Chasing Cars” made me cry. I am such a big girls blouse. He apparently... Read more »
THE FREE PRESS and THE BRIDLINGTON PENGUIN
After lengthy chats and discourse with the Editor of The Free Press Nick Proctor about my rantings and Bile aimed at them, I understand their problems a little better and am trying to get along with them as best I can while we resolve a few issues I am concerned with. I will be adding more to this later... Read more »
Rude and Funny Please.
Well The Bridlington Penguin is certainly causing ripples up here in sunny Bridlington by the sea. The Free Press hate me, the Tv Licencing Hate me, The Pack Horse, old Town Hate me. Its bloody great .Anyhow, how do you fancy being hated Globally just like me ? well We here at The brid Pen can make it... Read more »
ROCK-iT unofficial all Hallows eve all Fancy Dress Ball
Come dressed as your favourite Child Molester or Killer. Freddie Kruger, Ian Huntley, Myra Hindley, Ian Brady, Gary Glitter, Michael Jackson, a Catholic Priest, you get the gist. Bens sick idea, he thinks it will catch on what with all the nonce schoolteachers at Headlands school. Oh I must get a proper... Read more »
HUGE NEWS FROM BRIDLINGTON not
Well there isn`t any obviously. This is Bridlington and its Autumn so we`re shut until April .If you have a story or something that concerns you write to us at the Penguin or leave a comment after any of the news stories. Or you could just Text me on 07974555183 with any lie you like and without any... Read more »
BREAKING LOCAL SHITE NEWS from local newshound Mc Guff the Crime Dog
Levellers and Musicport fail to sell out Bridlington Spa. At £27.50 a ticket I know why. Its Rolf Harris headlining on saturday I bet that`ll be fuckin` busy. Musicport used to be at Whitby until last year at a 1000 capacity venue, it`s a big jump to sell an extra 2500 tickets, at a 3500 capacity... Read more »
Jon Fat Beast
Featured Video
BEAST'S BRIDLINGTON BLOG
Eat My ShortsYesterday. whilst working. a dog ate my shorts. No, really. Six people filmed it on their phones. I was just going about my business at Rock-it, stood up, a small terrier decided that he wanted to eat my shorts. So he did. He didn’t bite me. but it was eight minutes of him ripping my clothes off. Thats never happened to me before. In five days time it’ll be on YouTube.. be patient. Just Google Jon Fat Beast dog shorts ripped off. My life just gets stranger and stranger.. Read More →
Life.Life. Dont talk to me about life. Yesterday we had two lovely young women come into the queens. Both lesbians. I am a girl so i sort of understand. The reason they came here was because of this wonderful website. Hidden in the archives of these pages one week I told the story of loads of our macho big blokes that stand at the end of the bar and swear for england, deciding they wanted to form a gay club. I wrote about it and because it’s now on the internet, if you google “BRIDLINGTON... Read more »
funny old april fools dayNobody played any April Fools on me today but it bloody felt like it.Fuck did it feel like it. Firstly last Night Jojo the Dog my Faithful stupid fat old hound decided he was going to be really poorly. all after midnight, he didn`t sleep on the bed for the first time in five years, I was up half the night on the bloody floor making sure he was ok. I took him out three times between 2am and 6am I really thought at 13 he`d bought the farm. I went to sleep at 7am had horrible dreams about missing my... Read more »
isnt the internit a wonderful toolThis morning i have been talking to Thom Yorke from Radiohead. after 20 years of not speaking to him. we fell out. but we are friends again. isnt the internit a wonderful tool. and so am I. Read More →
Mad Gazza's Post
Saturday Night at Rock-iT with Mad Gazzawell aye. I`m a bit pissed like. The owls are everywhere. Had away an shite. Am at that new Rock-iT bar its fookin ace. Got smoke everywhere. don`t think its on fire well it might be I canna see straight. Smells canny like lemons. think its one of them smark machines. Me owls hate it like. Got some loud fookers with long hair makin` a fookin racket. They`re MANNIX from Leicester and All i know is Bens moved me outta room two in the hotel to let their girlfriends have it overnight like. Hope they... Read more »
GAZZA REVIEWS “The GlamGodZ” Queens Hotel 27th sept 2008Ar Hower man. Fookin` Hot in here. Sheryls gone to Bingo up toon an left me in the company o Ben the Landlord. Yer kna wot ? He`s me greatest fan he is. He thinks I`m ace. Offered me a room here to live in for ever. Fancy that Mad Gazza livin` above a poob. Had away an shite. Fookin` champion. He`s let me have Room 2 an its got a canny little shower and a lavvy. an its now got sick on the bedspread. Yer kna wot, I did that. Tonight it`s some seventies band, it might be T Rex for all I know. They... Read more »
Trevors Diary
11am Saturday 27th sept.Well here`s the next bet. Take £20 of your winnings so far and put in this afternoon on Oxford to beat Lewes. Lewes have a very very understrength side and although Oxford are away I favour them to win comfortably. Best odds I have found is 10/11 for Oxford to win away. Take that. Loads of bookies offering that .maybe you can get better. anyway, come tea time I am confident you would have doubled your money. I also favour a fiver on Dunfermline to win away at Morton in the scottish first division.... Read more »
Moving To Mars - Blog
MOVING TO MARS SEPT 24th MISSION STATEMENTMany of you have written in to our Mission HQ here in Bridlington, expressing doubts over not only on the sincerity of our mission but also the feasibility of launching a rocket to the red planet with 200 people on board . We fully understand there will be hurdles to climb, Mountains to jump, but we will take each problem as it arises and worry about it then. We will go into details in our next mission statement, but below we outline our updated list of items needed, and further on we say Thank You... Read more »
Letters from Ted
Easter 2007Well I have just re read the letter I sent you all at christmas. I said it couldn`t get worse. Well it has. Holly has left me. Ben the dog hasn`t. I have moved out. Holly has stayed in the family home in shitty Robin Hoods Bay and as you can see from the postmark on this letter I have moved into a flat in sunny Bridlington, about 40 miles down the coast. I only came to Brid` because nobody else would take a dog. Its so difficult re housing yourself if you have a dog. Landlords hate dogs. You could... Read more »
Albert's Latest Post
ALBERT HAMLIN 82 Grumpy old BastardOh my I have chest pains .My bloody son says its all in my mind, but he just wants me dead anyway so he would say that .I should go to the Doctors and I would but I can`t get a bloody appointment this week unless its an emergency and as I`ve been to see him 35 times about the self same pains the stupid receptionist said I`d have to wait until a week next tuesday to see Dr Odogo. Bloody national Health I really don`t know why I bothered fighting in two wars for this in my old age. I`m 82 you know.... Read more »
Twiss's Latest Diary Entry
Twiss In the AreaWork work fucking work. I cant stand it. My bills have got so big I have to work every fucking hour just to pay the interest off. My manager Kirk has been suspended at Tescos. we knew there was something wrong with him. He was found with loads of kiddie porn on his computer. Chop his fuckin nuts off I say.I`m off out on the piss tonight, cant afford it but what the hell. Got totalled last week ,ended up getting half naked with monkey and Kazz Hastings in Mc Donalds doing the dance of the seven fucking... Read more »
Poppy writes...
POPPYS DIARY Sat Oct 4th 9pmShit. I nicked so much shoplifting in Scarborough. Its so easy as long as you adopt a “Gangster Attitude”. What you gotta do is act hard and show no fear. Virginia Olroyd is brilliant at it. In Tk Max she nicked four perfume sets, a hooded Gap top, A Gucci copy bag, A pair of Six inch platform Boots (Red) and about six Bras. She has enormous tits. Lucky cow. I managed to get a pair of silver pumps from New Look and loads of stuff from the £1 shop. About six quids worth. Jasmine Thomson... Read more »
Mad Gazza Says
Gazza predictsAr Hower man wot ya deein to me Toon Army Mike Ashley ? Gazza predicts you sell Newcastle United to a South African Warlord then die in a helicopter crash, like that Mathew Harding did. Gazza predicts Sunderland burn in hell. Filthy dorty maccums Yer kna wot ? That Charlotte Church is a man. Straight oop. Timmy five jellies told me. she divn`t sweat much forra fat lass with a bairn though. Stood next to her once at Cardiff Arms park while she was havin` a piss. Standin` oop. Read More →
Albert's Latest Gripe
ALBERT HAMLIN 82 Grumpy old BastardOh my I have chest pains .My bloody son says its all in my mind, but he just wants me dead anyway so he would say that .I should go to the Doctors and I would but I can`t get a bloody appointment this week unless its an emergency and as I`ve been to see him 35 times about the self same pains the stupid receptionist said I`d have to wait until a week next tuesday to see Dr Odogo. Bloody national Health I really don`t know why I bothered fighting in two wars for this in my old age. I`m 82 you know.... Read more »
Captain Cash - Latest Entry
Pipex Homecall - Incompetant Buffoons!Yeah yeah, I know this isn’t the place but the frustration I’ve been suffering over the last three days means you’ll have to suffer it too. Essentially, if you want a communications company that doesn’t have a bunch of half-wit johhny foreigners based in Manilla that can do no more than read in broken English from a script that seems specifically designed to really fuck with your head, use Pipex. You can ring all sorts of numbers - 0871 574 4444 and 0871 6633 300 to name two,... Read more »
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Business Reviews
BUSINESS REVIEW. This Week Bridlington Old Town Pubs.THE QUEENS HOTEL High Street Old Town Bridlington. Reviewed by MAD GAZZA and his OWLS Way ay, I landed a canny job here like. The Bridlington Penguin has asked me,... Read more »
Bridlingtons Cartoon Network
