Broken News
Worksop Shooting
Apparently, well known Worksop local hard man Dave ‘Tiger’ Batty (36), was shot at by a nutter on Newgate Street in Worksop. The Police ’swooped’ on the area, but Dave allegedly sustained more injuries from the over enthusiastic Police dog than the twelve bore shotgun used to attack him.
The Worksop Guardian quoted one local as saying “this kind of thing happens in cities like Nottingham or Sheffield, but not here, it’s really scary”.
Bollocks. Worksop is the drug and crime capital of the North Midlands. If it’s going to happen anywhere, it’s going to happen on Newgate Street. From memory this reporter can confidently remember it as being a total shit hole.
UPDATE - Dave’s arm has been torn to bits by the stupid dog. He should call ‘Claims Direct’. Where there’s blame, there’s a claim.
Brawling in Leeds
Reports are hitting The Bridlington Penguin right now (3pm, May12th 2008) that a number of Bridlington males are brawling with Carlisle fans in Leeds city centre. So far, four have been arrested. Word is the guys were well tanked before they left Brid, but they kicked ass anyway.
Full story when our intrepid reporter hears more.
Queens Hotel Hard Men
A new machine in the toilets of the Queens Hotel is dispensing Male Angel for £3. Local women say all the men in Brid are now really ‘hard’. It’s not believed they’re referring to their fighting ability (on this occasion). Full Story Below.
Jon Fat Beast Shits Himself
Local personality, author and Southern Woose admits foul play. Full story soon.
Teenage Girl Wants To Wed Footballer And Own Stable Shock
Poppy Aldiss (13) spoke exclusively to The Bridlington Penguin from her mum’s bathroom yesterday. All the details exclusively here soon.
Woman Caught Having Sex behind Sommerfields.
Theresa ‘Twiss’ Aldiss (23) and an unknown man were questioned by Police in the early hours of Saturday morning. Exclusive Pictures online soon.
Jon Fat Beast
Featured Video
Moving To Mars - Blog
Moving To MarsThe World is doomed. The end is nigh. The tide is high and we’re moving on. I, Professor Angelo Dieghton and my partner Dr. Hayden Philips are concerned. For... Read more »
Letters from Jon Fat Beast
Bridlington - Home of the Oddly Priced Piss.Just sitting in Queen Street, on the benches opposite the public lavatories watching the world go by, as you do, and I noticed that it’s three times cheaper... Read more »
Letters from Ted
Fuck ThemNow we’ve got a home phone it makes it easier to discover. I don’t owe nothing. Which actually in plain English means I actually owe a bit on my water... Read more »
Albert's Latest Post
Age, Rap and SnookerI feel really old today I know I am old but some days I feel positively decrepit. Today has turned into one of those days. I’ve started rolling my eyes at... Read more »
Twiss's Latest Diary Entry
Sunday night, Monday MorningMe again Sunday afternoon I woke up at Monkeys, covered in sick. It turned out noot to be mine. It was Monkeys. I sort of remember her eating three pizzas she heated... Read more »
Poppy writes...
Chatting a Pedo up online.hannah, boosh and me met up the centre library after school to discuss our plan to trap a pedo. Twiss would go mad if she knew so im not telling her until we’ve... Read more »
Trevors Diary
Trev. Betting Updates.Well, the bets updates are as follows. First two advised were £20 on Southampton to stay in the Championship at 9/4 which returned £64 inc. stake and £10 on Saints... Read more »
Albert's Latest Gripe
Age, Rap and SnookerI feel really old today I know I am old but some days I feel positively decrepit. Today has turned into one of those days. I’ve started rolling my eyes at... Read more »
Captain Cash - Latest Entry
New Parking RegulationsWell, May 12th has come and gone and our fair town is awash with flourecent jacketed ‘Parking Enforcement Officers’. Now, I’m not adverse to parking... Read more »
We Need Your Cash!
Like The Bridlington Penguin? Like to help us maintain and develop it further? Well, now you can.
If you're entertained by all this guff, feel free to send as much or little as you like using the PayPal donation button below, and we'll keep publishing.
Anything gratefully received, we have no shame.
Bridlingtons Cartoon Network
Deal of the Day
