POPPYS DIARY Sat Oct 4th 9pm
October 4, 2008
Shit. I nicked so much shoplifting in Scarborough. Its so easy as long as you adopt a “Gangster Attitude”. What you gotta do is act hard and show no fear. Virginia Olroyd is brilliant at it. In Tk Max she nicked four perfume sets, a hooded Gap top, A Gucci copy bag, A pair of Six inch platform Boots (Red) and about six Bras. She has enormous tits. Lucky cow. I managed to get a pair of silver pumps from New Look and loads of stuff from the £1 shop. About six quids worth. Jasmine Thomson bumped into Tina Dawkins (our gangs biggest enemy) and smacked her head in behind the Argos bins. She was well beat up.
Great day. I am getting so grown up. I smoked a whole packet of 20 fags today. Silk cut natch. They`re not actually bad for you Virginia said.
we`re gonna go shoplifting every weekend until Christmas. I am making out a “Wish list”. Virginia says you gotta have a focus. I want a Nintendo DS, A blue dress from New Look (normally £35.. to me Free ha ha) some boots ,a pair of Sandals for the Christmas end of term disco at The Pavillion. and loads of other cool stuff. Twiss wont find out. She knows I smoke, but she does sometime so she cant say shit.
Back to Freakin School Worst luck.
September 24, 2008
Its my second last year at school this year. Good I can now bully most of the girls in the school. There`s only Virginia Olroyd and her cronies in the year up that shit me. I can take most of them but that Jasmine thomson can throw a punch. Hannahs scared of all of them but now because I smoke I`ve got in with them. Hannah should start smoking if she wants harder friends. Boosh is not talking to me since I burnt her little sisters Hannah Freakin Montanna top in the microwave for a laugh. I couldn`t care really. Now I`m in with Virginia Olroyds mates I`ve out grown Boosh. She can be such a child. Shes still a virgin for freaks sake and she`s nearly 14. I lost my virginity when I was 12 at the back of Spar on St John Street. Big Davey the security guards had his eye on me for ages and he always grabs my boobs. He was really good at it too. Dead quick. he was a bit old for me. I think hes 35 and I know hes got Kids. I`m not having kids until I`m really old, about 25 or something. Anyway, now I`m a bit more experienced that some of my other nameless mates (Hannah and Boosh actually) I want to hang around with the more mature girls. Later we`re gonna put Flat chested No Tits Tina Dawkins head down the toilet cos shes a twat. Boosh and Hannah would never be mature enough to do that. I`ve had to start asking Twiss for a tenner a week for the cleaning as me fags are costing me a bomb. and you cant nick em either as they`re always behind the freakin counter. we`re all goin shoplifting up Scarborough on saturday. It`ll be mint. I`m gonna nick a top from Matalan and a pair of hooped earings from New Look. its my wish list. You gotta stay focused and hace a wish list that way you dont get caught. Virginia told me that. its good advice really. anyway I`ll write about it next time.
PS Hannah and Boosh I want all my stuff back pronto or I`ll fuck you both up.
MY MUM IS A DORK
August 9, 2008
My mum is still giving me grief over the credit card thing. That was months ago old dear. MOVE ON . Christ on a bike what`s wrong with you woman nobody got killed. Lighten up. anyway, I promised to be extra good to her and she has re instated my pocket money. Good that saves me having to nick it out of her purse. Ive had to survive on the fiver Twiss gives me to clean her flat on a saturday morning. She has put a password on her computer the bitch and I cant get in. Not that I would. I`ve learnt my lesson. She doesn`t trust me obviously well thats great big sister thanks. who`s side are you on ? Anyway I`ve saved my mum loads of trouble this month, I`ve not leant out any of her clothes to Hannah or Boosh, I saved her hassle by Signing my own school report card when we broke up in July, and don`t forget I stopped my Hunger strike after four hours, saving her the problems social services would have caused her should I have starved to death. and I`m not going to tell her I`ve started smoking, therby saving her having a heart attack. see who says I don`t care.
PS Boosh where is my henna shampoo. You borrowed it when we went swimming, let me have it back and I promise to try and get the cat shit off that skirt you lent me.
More coming
Shit Shit SHITTY Shit
July 6, 2008
Life sucks times ten. I`ve been grounded. The poo has hit the fan. It all went wrong at the end of June. Hannah stupidly confessed to her mum it was her fault her mums bank account was emptied by Nigerians, and that dropped me and Boosh in it as well. My mum had an eppi fit. real King spaz. I got in so much trouble. I`m not allowed to use the computer at Home or the one at Twiss`s Flat which incidently developed a very strange Virus indeed which I also got blamed for. In one weekend she got over 1500 spam messages from Nigeria telling her she had won the lottery or that she had won a competition or just trying to sell her a cock extension ,anyway this glued her hard drive up and she had to get a bloke in to repair it. It cost her over £75 and she still blames me. What did I do ? why is it always my fault ? Blame poppy for everything. Hannahs mum got most of the money back from the credit card company so what the frig was the problem. Honest to blog. Adults can be such a freakin drag. Anyway Hannah blamed Boosh and kept me out of it and Hannah and Booshes mum had a huge row, which ended up with Boosh being banned from seeing Hannah because shes a bad influence. Hannah was grounded for 6 weeks, i got off lightly with two. Boosh has to do errands and Jobs for her mum for a freakin month. Anyway. Looks like cutting a paedos Bollocks off is on hold for a bit. Anyway, I read in my Horoscope that it was “a bad month to make sweeping changes and cut off things around me” I took this as a sigh For Shiz.
PS Boosh have you got my black patent boots ? if you give them back I`ll return your orange Rhianna tee shirt and your monkey boots. Fairs fair. it wasn`t me who dropped you in it now was it. Friends ?
Poppy. Thursday.
June 5, 2008
How ya diddlin.
Just been on the web on my sister computer while shes at work checking out where our rophonol is. hannah used her mums credit card to pay for it from this health firm in nigeria which i now know is in africa not america. thanks boosh for letting me know about a hundred squillion times. cant get the net to work. it keeps crashing and sending me stupid emails from loads of other places in africa when i try to open anything up. reckon its fucked. will have to try the school computer later today.
also got jam on twisses carpet and made it worse by tring to rub it in with my foot. she’ll go mad. OH FUCK!!
seen hannah after school yesterday and we could be in big big shit. the credit card we used to buy the pedo knock out drugs has been emptied. over a grand and a half has been spent out of her account. hannah is in a mad panic. we must all keep our mouths shut. her mum has no idea. the bank has no idea. if we keep quiet boosh reckons insurance will pay it out. fuck fuck fuckity fuck.
bloody nigerians. cant even talk to twiss about it. hannah has been crying. she thinks she’ll go to prison. who can i talk to? i cant sit still. tried calling hannah but she wont talk. shes in panic mode times ten. im gonna have to talk to twiss. she’ll kill me but thats better than sitting here shitting myself.
she’ll be home from work soon. oh god. who would have thought chopping off a pedos balls would cause so much trouble?
Poppy.
Bank Holiday
May 23, 2008
bank holiday coming. took a tenner out of me mums purse so i can go to the all dayer on sunday at the floral pavillion. boosh is just wearin a bikini. wheres she gonna put her phone an fags? im gonna wear me see thru top. the one i nicked from primark. and im gonna wear me plastic cut offs. im takin a bag for me lippy but im fucked if im carryin her stuff. shes only got a fiver. i think shes goin to sell some of her dads cds to smugglers records on the front. shes got loads of fake id downloaded from the net in i.t. class.
had a text from old dog bloke who i snogged on thursday. he wants to meet me at the all dayer. sez hes gonna get me pissed. might be a laff. cant really remember wot he looks like but i remember he’s got a spaniel with a bad paw.
anyway, ill tell all next week.
poppy x
ps boosh take a fuckin bag to the all dayer. im on the pull.
pps hannah. get your ass over on bank holiday monday. me mums goin out an we can party. she got a full bottle of duty free rum in her wardrobe which we can mix with value coke an get wasted.
School
May 23, 2008
school sucks. obv. got called in again for wearin me blouse outside me skirt. havent got anything better to do. anyway, just a note, not an exclusion. mum’ll have a fit but when i got caught havin a fag in the bogs she went major eppi. got excluded for a week for that. just sat in the park and smoked more. that worked.
anyhoo. big plans on the go. still waiting from nigeria for the rophonol. it said give 28 days for delivery and its only been 4 so im not wettin meden yet. spotty 6th former still followin me around at break. not interested. hes in a band but he looks like shrek. he tried to feel me tits when we were up the chippy in old town last christmas. boosh had a right fit. he gets served in all the old town offys and was off his trolley. no fibs. spew times ten.
got into loop on thursday night with hannah. got major drunk and snogged some old bloke in the bogs. he was bloody 22. i told him i was 19 and a vet. he was so drunk he believed me and wants me to have a look at his dogs foot at the weekend. if i go, ill tell its broken and needs to be amputated for a laff.
had a shit hangover an had to do bloody cross country next morning. i chucked me guts up about fifty million times in the first 200 meters. bloody michelle didnt have to do it because she has a not from her mum saying she was on. which she fuckin wasnt. wish id thought of that.
poppy
x
Chatting a Pedo up online.
May 13, 2008
hannah, boosh and me met up the centre library after school to discuss our plan to trap a pedo.
Twiss would go mad if she knew so im not telling her until we’ve actually done it. hannahs gonna get her mums credit card and try to order some meaty knockout drugs on the net.
weve looked at loads of sites - most seem to be in nigeria for some reason. maybe theyve got a really bad pedo problem there. i dunno.
boosh does the typing i write stuff down in our journal of how to cut a pedos knackers off (which has a padlock on it so no one can steal our plan) and hannahs got the money so she keeps going outside for a fag.
hannah said we should clue up on surgery. i suppose that makes sense. i cant even carve a sunday roast and boosh is even worse. her hands shake like a crazy womans. its all that red bull and her mums diet pills. she can go well off wack. so it’ll probably be hannah doing the actual cutting off bit.
shes gone to look for a genital surgery book in the adult library downstairs. shes actually had a gander up here in the kids section but theres nothin. she nicked a harry potter first edition tho, thatll go on ebay and get us a few quid for our plan. funny that. jk rowling will be bankrolling our pedo hunt. maybe we should email her and say thanks. shed probably appreciate a mention in our journal at least. i remember her saying on blue peter that there is no such thing as bad publicity.
left boosh in charge of looking up surgery on the net for ten bloody minutes when i went out for a fag. blow me, when i got back she was trawling through the show section in the littlewoods online catalogue. found some nice pink moles tho, i might get a bag to match.
im really not sure hannahs heart is in this. all she found in the library was a book on alien animal mutilation and a medical book for grannies. useless.
we will keep looking on the net, well after boosh has got off the victorias secrets site we might. i think were gonna have to watch hard candy again to get some ideas.
we have decided to come up with a list of chatrooms were going to use. the each of us will make up a name. mine is hayley, cos of the film, and i got first pick. boosh also wanted to be called hayley but she is stuck with chelsey and hannah is going to be rachel. its gonna be very confusing if we meet up online lol.
hannah has chosen some drugs online which cost thirty five dollars, which we think is cheap, but we cant work dollars into pounds, even on the calculator. i will ask twiss.
hannah (rachel) will borrow her mums identity and pin and order them in the wekk. boosh has the tazer and we still have to decide whos house were going to invite the pedo to. this is causing arguments at the moment. might have to be raybos dads in filey. anyway its all down in the journal so well get some more planning done after school and wait for the knockout pills to arrive.
see ya soon
poppy
xxxxxxx
ps boosh you still havent returned my red beenie hat or my white socks you borrowed.
pps hannah have another look for that bag of knickers honey. i cant find them and cant think of anywhere else i could have left them
xx
Cutting off Mens Balls for Fun & Profit.
May 9, 2008
i bought an ace bizarro movie on dvd this week really sick puppy stuff. its an 18 certificate called HARD CANDY and my mate chelsey at woolworths (whos old, shes 17) sold me.
its about an american pedo. hes not very realistic. hes quite dishy actually, id do him. even hannah says she would too.
hes obviously not a pedo in real life, probably, hes an actor. most pedos on the telly are old beardy ugly blokes, with like, small cock probably. anyway, this actor pedo picks up this fourteen year old online. shes well sussed. when i first watched it we round hannahs, her mum was out having her teeth waxed or something up the salon. anyway it was me hannah boosh and booshes new boyfriend raybo. he shat himself when this pedo got his balls cut off. we just laughed. you actually saw his balls cut off. she put them in a bag for him. fuckin a.
anyway im goin to show twiss, shell love it. i cant count the number of men shes said she wants to do that to. anyway, i heard that in japan its become a craze for really young girls. some as young as ten get together chat on old guy online acting as though theyre just one lonely twelve year old, invite him round when their parents are out the really, drug the pedo then really beat the fuck out of him.
me and han have talked about doing it for real. honest. get some pedo big time. the police dont do nothing to them. theres one lives on hans street. he has to go like to the police station every morning, probably to tell them wot girls hes thought about that day or something.
sometimes pedos even go for little boys. now thats really sick.
i might actually do it. you know - get one, capture and torture him. boosh has got one of those stinger things a bit like madonna had in a video and the police and jackass use. we could stun him with that, over and over if we couldnt drug him. i think ive only got anti histermine and my asthma medicine and thats more likely to make him more excited than knock him out.
where can you buy drugs to knock pedos out? the net probably. ill have a look later. i thought that date rape drug was retinol but thats something old women put on their wrinkly baggy eyes.
ive just googled knockout drugs and theres loads you can buy from like america and africa. im defo going to get together with hannah and boosh and like do it for real. we cant be touched. were too young. even if we got caught we’d only get juvi at worst. maybe we’d get a medal. it might even help me get on big brother.
anyway gotta go. twiss will be back from new look soon and she dont know i do this on her computer. ill just tidy up a bit and hide loads of her important stuff to wind her up. the living room is an absolute tip.
byeeee. poppy. xxxx
ps boosh - can i borrow your hair straighteners. i left mine on my pooh bear hot water bottle and they electrocuted my cat. (hes ok, lol)
pps hannah - i left my lip liner in your bathroom and i think you might have that bag of twisses dirty nicks that she gave me. if you aint got it i dont know where i left it.
A new DVD…
May 5, 2008
buyin a new dvd tomorrow. a really sick one that someone at school told me about. can’t get it from tescos, they wont serve me with 18s but woolworths will cos my mate works there. im gonna get loads of cider too and really go for it. see if i can sleep over at twisses flat. mum wont care, shes seein a bloke saturday night and will probably want me out of the way anyway. i hate it stayin in me room when me mums shaggin away next door. what age do mums stop shagging anyway? mines well past her sell by date - shes well into her 40s. im not gonna be havin sex that old no way its well sick.
ps. hannah. i need my yellow beret back. wash it first i know where its been.
x
poppy
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