Naked Fishing?

March 21, 2009

The latest Craze to hit Bridlington,apart from No parent families and drug rape is NAKED FISHING. Yes the free Press and Yorkshire Coast radio have both reported on the Phenomena. They of course have no idea who would be stupid enough to brave the arctic weather on south Beach with just a bobble hat on. I on the other hand know exactly who it is. His name is Frog. and a full report with photos is needed immediatly.

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Broken News | Leave a Comment

Bank Holiday Jez - LIVE @ ROCK-iT Bridlington Fri 30th Jan 9pm FREE ENTRY

January 16, 2009

“a Rabbit is not just for Christmas” The 2009 live show from BANK HOLIDAY JEZ live at Rock-iT Queens Hotel Fri 30th Jan 9pm Free entry
With live songs and comedy armed just with a computer and a guitar Bank Holiday Jez has entertained tens of thousands of people over the past few years at live gigs and festivals
Lead singer with UK Punk band Adolescents and fron man of Channel 4s THE SQUIRREL HUNTERS, Jez,now solo plays 2 completely different sets on one night in bridlington at Rock-iT queens hotel on friday 30th jan.
He plays mandolin,Piano as well. and sprouts. really
He songs are mainly about places he has visited and failed to burn down.
“scunthorpe in the springtime” and “I hate Hull” are two crowd favourites
Except obviously in scunthorpe and hull where for obvious reasons he doesnt play gigs anymore
“dont gimme Vegetables” and “Cauliflower in my Bed” are two songs from his 5 a day period.
other Bank Holiday Jez classics include “You`ve got Piles” “then I was sick” “I did the garden for William Hagues Auntie” “Colin the Badger” Bill the Ferret” and “steak and Kidley pie”
“Excuse me can you tell me the way to the toilet” from his second album,”Carrots Galore” is just purile rubbish and probably his best work to date.
He also covers live tracks from the sex pistols and george formby,kate Bush and the Ramones. His influences include Frank Spencer and “British Lion Beetroot” and when he plays live he is often naked.
a strange night is guarenteed for all.

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Broken News, Queens Hotel Gig Page | Leave a Comment

Hottie Corner - New Entrant Becky Crooks

December 7, 2008

Yup this contest is hotting up. Another Jon fat Beast mate, and indeed Amy Quinns bestest friend. Introducing the babe that is BECKY CROOKS (babe C) Full details and profiles on all the lovely ladies next week plus I will get a dedicated Page written up. There are two more girls preparing their photos. I love my life. More pictures of Kaleigh Varley (Babe A) and Amy Quinn (Babe B) also.

Becky Crooks 1
Becky Crooks 2

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Bridlington's Babes | 11 Comments

Miss Jon Fat Beast Contest hots up.

December 7, 2008

Yup saturday night at Rock-iT was a mad one. Beautiful Amy Quinn Babe B was in , talking about the forthcoming contest, where everybody is a winner .Especially me. Kaleigh Varley (Babe A) was at a UK Subs gig with Fish in York but kept in touch all night by Text, and there are two new confirmed entrants, both currently preparing pictures for my blatantly sexist filth fest of a competition. More information later in the week. Only girls that know me personally can enter, thats the rules I make them up as I go along. its my bloody site I`ll do what I want. If any modeling agencies want the details of any of the girls I will vet them before passing on any details, but if you can get the beautiful women some legal modeling work, contact me at jon.beast@hotmail.co.uk Watch this space.

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Bridlington's Babes | Leave a Comment

Kirk Brandon may suffer liver failiure after drinking Rock-iT dry

December 6, 2008

Madness. Back at work after three hours sleep. didn`t leave the venue until well after 5am. Got up. No hangover. I was still pissed obviously. So was Ben, My Northern Monkey of a Boss. At least he was happy. Kirk Brandon checked out of The Queens Hotel, suffering Hot sweats and the DTs but said he had a great night. Hes travelling to my homeland, ho hum, Wales today. Probably via a few Cardiac and a and r units along the way. Boy the man can drink. A whole litre of Jamesons whisky in four hours. and hes only little I dont know where he puts it. Doctor Bollocks our resident Schoolteacher come idiot drunk reviewer will file his report later. I spent most of the evening hugging Kayleigh Varleys perfect breasts again. I must be going through the menopause. Anyway heres some photos. Looks like I shall be reviewing tonight because “Teacher Bollocks” has decided hes too old to review speed metal bands. Poof.
I'm bloody Welsh Ok?
What a lovely couple
Kirk and Kayleigh
Christopher Biggins and Ernie Wise

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Broken News | 1 Comment

babe vs babe contest jon beasts mad life goes lusty oops

December 5, 2008

Well, my life just gets stranger, but I like it. on my facebook site (add me as jon Driscoll Leeds if you care too) I have been bigging up my really great mate young beautiful Kaleigh Varley, (see pics on the Penguin) now other young female friends have been saying why cant I be a “babe” too. So its a babe off. yup. There are just too many beautiful women about for them all to be number one. so who is ? I am starting a “MISS JON BEAST FAG HAG” contest. yup just who is the most babelicious babe that I know????? you decide. week by week I shall be uploading photos of the contestants. all obviously with their permission. indeed this weeks babe Amy Quinn wants her semi naked perfect body plastered all over my venue. It could be arranged. ho hum. anyway, Kaleigh Varley is a babe, she is Babe A Babe B is amy Quinn there will be no voting for a few months while I get all the young ladies pics on my site. Fuck miss world. This is Miss Jon Beast.
Kaleigh Babe 1 Kaleigh Babe 2 Kaleigh Babe 3 Kaleigh Babe 4

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Bridlington's Babes | 3 Comments

Abdoujaparov - Rock-It - Bridlington

December 1, 2008

Abdoujaparov is apparently, if I remember correctly, a Ukranian cyclist, according to frontman Fruitbat, (yes he of Carter USM fame) who explained this fact during Friday’s storming gig at Bridlington’s finest music venue. Quite what that has to do with Fruitbat’s wry and witty observations on life, conveyed through a blistering power-pop punk set to a small but receptive crowd, I’m not sure. However, its only a name! The band stopped off to play Rock-It on their way to Glasgow for another show on Saturday, and are we glad they did!!

This was easily the best gig I’ve seen at Rock-It by a country mile, but that’s to be expected with someone of Fruitbat’s musical pedigree, and he didn’t disappoint. A cracking set of catchy as hell tunes played with passion and panache by an excellent band, who are apparently all part of Carter’s roadcrew, delivering Fruitbat’s witty and occassionally ascerbic observations on the 21st Century. They made it look easy, and managed to get an excellent balance.The night was compered by honorary YO16 gang member Jon Beast, who was suffering from a bout of depression following the alarming discovery that he is, in fact, Welsh. He stoked up the crowd before the band launched into a banging set of powerful, catchy tunes, that got some of us wrecking at the front. It is possible to see now where The Arctic Monkeys got their influence from, (they’d obviously listened to Carter or Abdoujaparov) but this band are much more clever both musically and lyrically. Closing with the quite manic “Fish Face,” the band were well appreciated by the Old Town audience. My only complaint was that more people weren’t there to witness it. I was still buzzing from this gig the following day!

Doctor’s Tip - Don’t moan about paying £4 you tight cunts, its nothing for a band of this cailbre. I hope Abdoujaparov come back to play Rock-It again. My name will be first on the list for a ticket if they do.

Rock-It: be there or be counting your shekels

Doctor Bollocks

Can I add as a footnote we were only 12 tickets shy of a sell out. I would rather people had space to breath. Also the band stayed at the venue drinking til 6am, awoke at 1pm had breakfast and drove for 7 hours to Glasgow. Check out the photos. JON FAT WELSHMAN BEAST.

Written by Dr Bollocks · Filed Under Broken News | Leave a Comment

East Coast Collective Gig Review

December 1, 2008

The decision to move the East Coast Collective gigs to Rock-It seemed a logical one for James to make, enabling the set up to have a dedicated music venue as a base for their gigs, and also take advantage of the advice and help of Jon Beast. This was the first gig to be held at the venue, and attracted a fairly big crowd of young music fans. This was encouraging to see; young people being into live music is so obviously a positive thing, and the kids were alright, as The Who might have said!

I arrived late, after getting abuse from Jon Beast who thought I wasn’t going to turn up, to catch the end of Abe Dargue (is this his real name?) a solo acoustic act. I only caught the last 2 tunes, but he seemed quite good for a young lad, like. Next up were Brid’s own little scallys, Spider Pie. They played an impromptu gig on Halloween, stunning several of us with a sharp set of Arctic Monkey inspired tunes. However, tonight they were not as good, suffering a couple of technical problems at the beginning which seemed to throw them off balance. Nonetheless, these guys are aged 16 to 18, and to be as tight as they are already, is no mean feat, and they have already developed quite a following. They’d played in Scarborough the previous night, and singer Callum Topham was sporting a black eye from the mosh pit, allegedly. That’s rock’n'roll! The lad still needs to sort his barnet out though!

Next band were Fights & Fires, who play what I’d describe as nu-metal. They were tight, and all duck-walks and swinging mics round, but not really my thing. The kids liked them though.

By the time Above Them came on, I’d adjourned to the bar for refreshement, and became ensconced in conversation with a woman, a real one with breasts and stuff, so I didn’t really see them.

Headliners LYU came on, a band that are being pushed in Kerrang! and are about to have fame thrust upon them, apparently. Again, a band that sound kind of grungy/metal, perhaps with a hint of Nirvana influence in there, they are tight, but for me, not particularly original. This is obviously a sign of age! The kids loved it though, and all in all the first EEC event was a success. I look forward to the next one on December 6th.

Message for the kids: Rock-It; be there or be nicking someone’s trainers.

Doctor Bollocks

Written by Dr Bollocks · Filed Under Broken News | Leave a Comment

Gigs

November 28, 2008

Pop music legend Kirk Brandon, lead singer with Theatre Of Hate, Spear Of Destiny and Dead Men walking amongst others, Makes a rare LIVE appearance at ROCK IT, queens Hotel in Bridlington,The Mecca of Live music in the North. This next Friday,5th December, we present “an Evening with” a 2 hour long accoustic adventure through Kirks illustrious musical and sexual History. From “Do you believe in the Westworld ?” to “You`ll never take me alive” From his Court Cases to his love affairs with celebrities, it`ll all be there. Layed Bare. or for those of you with more of a sexual deviancy maybe “Laid Bear”. Check out his websites. This will be a gig to be reckoned with. Check out the attatched poster. Abdoujavarov sold out in the blink of an eye. So will this. Tickets cost a token £4 and reservations being taken on 07974555183 or at Jon.beast@hotmail.co.uk Coming soon at Rock-iT Miles Hunt, him out of that WONDERSTUFF, Wayne Hussey that long haired bloke out of SISTERS OF MERCY and THE MISSION and Boy George doing a DJ set in april. Come one and all. JON FAT BEAST XX

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Broken News | Leave a Comment

USM At Rock-iT ????

November 19, 2008

From: Jon Fat Beast
Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 4:14 PM
To: brid penguin
Subject: secret gig announced next wednesday. the only place we are letting people know is here on the penguin. big up the usm

An Evening with “Abdoujaparov” plus secret support act announced on the evening. plus compere Carter USM host/MC Jon Fat Beast. Friday November 28th 8pm Tickets booked in advance, limited availability £4

ROCK-iT, Brid at The Queens Hotel, Old Town Bridlington info 07974555183 jon.beast@hotmail.co.uk

Les Carter, One half of Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine, who had 11 top twenty Hits in the 1990s and two number one hit albums, returns with his new band Abdoujaparov, named after the Uzbekistan Tour de France Cyclist.

The music is raucous, fast and sometimes a wee bit country. The lyrics, rude tender, funny and sometimes just plain bad.

They have released Four eps a single and 2 albums released on Spinach records. (Named after A kitten Jon Fat Beast gave Les Carter in 1992) The band are Huge in Australia and in Norway. This is the year they break the UK. Fresh off the back of Carter USMs November 21st/22nd Birmingham and Brixton arena dates which SOLD OUT selling 14000 tickets at £30 a time. The entire abdoujaparov tour has Sold out in England and Scotland in venues Ten times the Size of ROCK-iT brid.-The biggest Little Venue in the World.

There will be a secret support act announced on the door on the night and not before. Reserve your Ticket now. There will only be 50 unreserved tickets on sale on the night.

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Broken News | 2 Comments

Business Reviews

BUSINESS REVIEW. This Week Bridlington Old Town Pubs.

THE QUEENS HOTEL High Street Old Town Bridlington. Reviewed by MAD GAZZA and his OWLS Way ay, I landed a canny job here like. The Bridlington Penguin has asked me,... Read more »

September 24, 2008 | 1 Comment

Get the Penguins RSS Feed