Small Ads
May 24, 2008
LOCAL TRADES AND SERVICES
George Bishop Electrician
c/o Burns Unit, Scarboro’ General.
The ‘Everything Past It’s Sell By Date’ Store.
High Bank, Fryer Tucks Bay. Liver - Home Cooked Sandwiches - Phlegm. As seen on ‘Watchdog’
Mrs Buggers Laundry Service
Washing, Ironing, Blood our speciality. (No deliveries to Thorpe - ASBO Prevents)
Mrs Parkinsons Auld Emporium
Secondhand goods stolen to order. No Wheelchairs, Prams or Tourists
Visit ASHES of Chapel Street, for those out of the ordinary gifts
Voodoo Dolls, Chains, Christmas Stocking Fillers - Armoatic Pentangles, No Garlic, Open when we feel like it.
Need a taxi in a hurry?
Well don’t call us cos we couldn’t give a fuck. Baytown 3535.
8 Track Cartridges
All the top sounds available.
Mario Lanza
Val Doonican
Girls Aloud
At Bay Post Office
Boiled Eggs
Available all year round at The Old Knitwear Emporium, Shite Street.
Visit the East Coast Museum of Medieval Pain
(Next to the Butchers)
Opening Whitsun
‘A RUN ROUND THE VILLAGE CHASED BY WILD DOGS
Discover your chance to explore Fryer Tucks Bay’s hidden charms whilst being hunted down like the tourist scum you are.
12 page illustrated booklet £1. Trail unsuitable for wheelchairs or spastics.
Fryer Tucks Bay Calendar 2006
13 Stunning views including sunrise over the abbatoir, Bob the nutter nude, A dead seagull, Moonlit Dogshit alley, Mad Mrs. Pie and her tabby ‘Snip’.
Available from Arsonist Pete, or online at www.bayfare.porn
Need Someone Sorted?
Old people easy meat.
Trevor, c/o The Breaded Lamb Public House.
YE AULD COFFEE SHOP
Proprietor Edith Bastard
Lard sold as an appetiser with all meals.
MRS BAXTERS FLORIST
SHITE ST, FRYER TUCKS BAY
Bouquets of Deadly Nightshade
Wreaths - Many designs.
Large Knives
Paraquat
Wicker
Fire Lighters
White Lightning Cider (Bring your own bucket)
HARD DRUGS
Ask for Mandy The Tart. Delivery Service.
EXORCISMS
No job too mad
Vomit no problem
Home visits by arrangement.
Rev. T. Osser
EATING OUT
Why not have a bag of chips in the sea?
Large Cod £2.25
Mushy Piss 60p
Arkwrights Auld Fish Emprorium.
3, Swamp Avenue.
Open Intermittently
ADVERTISE
May 23, 2008
If you’re a brave business and want to advertise here on the Bridlington Penguin, fill out the short form below and we’ll get back to you with an outrageously cheap offer.
Business Reviews
BUSINESS REVIEW. This Week Bridlington Old Town Pubs.THE QUEENS HOTEL High Street Old Town Bridlington. Reviewed by MAD GAZZA and his OWLS Way ay, I landed a canny job here like. The Bridlington Penguin has asked me,... Read more »
Bridlingtons Cartoon Network
