Twiss
April 30, 2008
Hiya, I’m Twiss. How you diddlin? I’m 23, I’m fit, even if I do say so myself. I came 3rd in the 2006 Miss Bridlington Contest and I would’ve won but Tracey Moore was shagging two of the judges - what chance does a girl have against that? She’s a right slapper.
I’ve been on X Factor twice, well I only actually got to see the production team, I never actually met Simon Cowell (He’s kind of lush for a wrinkly) but I got my boobs out and sang ‘I Will Survive’ twice. I reckon it’s rigged anyway. Everybody at The Castle says I’m a mint singer. I do karaoke most fridays before going to Clowns.
I’m a cracking dancer, I pole and podium. I did ok at school - got two jobs now, I’ve had loads. I work thirty hours at New Look in town and do tills at Tesco part time.
All me mates call me Twiss, nobody calls me Theresa, well Belinda at Tesco does, cow, she’s my section manager, she’s ok really just a bit old. She’s thirty. Looks forty. Always having streaks in her hair covers the grey I reckons.
I got a bloke, Richard, shagged him last week in the toilets at Clowns. He’s ok, he’s a roofer, cashed up y’know so he’s cool. I shagged his mate Mick same night but he’s going bald and wears Helly bloody Hansen tops, so 2007.
I goes out Thursday with Monkey most weeks to Loop. Free to get in, Bacardi and Coke 95p, sorted. She works with me at New Look, we’re both Assistant Managers. I think there are six Assistant Managers, you don’t get no more money than a bloody trainee but you can skive off more.
What can I tell you about me. I like bein’ in control. I like a drink and I don’t wear a thong more than once. Three days on then chuck it in the bin, or sell ‘em on eBay. Done that twice, great laugh. Fuckin perv paid me
Trevor Chettle
April 30, 2008
Aged 31 Birthday June 17th
Favourite colours back and red (ANARCHY!)
Currently single and bloody happy I am.
Long Term unemployed - 9 years to date.
Moonlighing as a security guard / doorman at Clowns Nightclub in Bridlington town centre.
Living opposite The Spa Ballroom, on the seafront. Top floor (and roof garden) lived here 14 years since leaving school
QUALIFICATIONS
GCSES in English, Maths, History, Physical Sciences, Drama, Modern Religious Studies, Art and Sociology, Degree in the University of Life (Honors)
LIKES
Surviving, Bucking the system, Rock Music, :- (Nine Inch Nails, Carter USM, The Doors, Kaiser Chiefs) Cooking curry, Betting, Saving Money, Ducking and Diving, Bucking the system.
HATES
Cats, Noisy and Nosey Neighbours, Tesco and all Multi-Nationals, Catalogue Companies, The Council, The Police, The Army, The Church, The Establishment Full Stop.
Kate Nash (Prick!) Duffy (Welsh Prick!)
I don’t talk to my parents or children.
I don’t suffer fools gladly.
I prefer my own company.
I don’t watch TV I read books.
I don’t own a computer, I use the Library I.T Suite.
I don’t recycle, What’s the point.
If I want to drop litter I will drop litter.
If I want to push a cow over, I will.
Meat is Dinner.
If I haven’t got something and I can’t afford it, I will steal it.
All property is Theft.
If you don’t like what I say then fuck off.
Remember, I am smarter than you, Don’t bother arguing with me, you will lose.
I don’t want to be your friend.
Listen and Learn.
Start thinking with your brain rather than your prick.
Read On.
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