Gigs
November 28, 2008
Pop music legend Kirk Brandon, lead singer with Theatre Of Hate, Spear Of Destiny and Dead Men walking amongst others, Makes a rare LIVE appearance at ROCK IT, queens Hotel in Bridlington,The Mecca of Live music in the North. This next Friday,5th December, we present “an Evening with” a 2 hour long accoustic adventure through Kirks illustrious musical and sexual History. From “Do you believe in the Westworld ?” to “You`ll never take me alive” From his Court Cases to his love affairs with celebrities, it`ll all be there. Layed Bare. or for those of you with more of a sexual deviancy maybe “Laid Bear”. Check out his websites. This will be a gig to be reckoned with. Check out the attatched poster. Abdoujavarov sold out in the blink of an eye. So will this. Tickets cost a token £4 and reservations being taken on 07974555183 or at Jon.beast@hotmail.co.uk Coming soon at Rock-iT Miles Hunt, him out of that WONDERSTUFF, Wayne Hussey that long haired bloke out of SISTERS OF MERCY and THE MISSION and Boy George doing a DJ set in april. Come one and all. JON FAT BEAST XX
Adoption
November 28, 2008
I found out today I am adopted. I am welsh, and my parents are dead. Not been a good day really. Of course I have become the butt of every Welsh joke. I suppose that’s Bridlington man’s way of dealing with it. Every thing I have known about my life seems to have been a lie. Not sure how I feel at the moment. Just thought I would let the world know.
USM At Rock-iT ????
November 19, 2008
From: Jon Fat Beast
Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 4:14 PM
To: brid penguin
Subject: secret gig announced next wednesday. the only place we are letting people know is here on the penguin. big up the usm
An Evening with “Abdoujaparov” plus secret support act announced on the evening. plus compere Carter USM host/MC Jon Fat Beast. Friday November 28th 8pm Tickets booked in advance, limited availability £4
ROCK-iT, Brid at The Queens Hotel, Old Town Bridlington info 07974555183 jon.beast@hotmail.co.uk
Les Carter, One half of Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine, who had 11 top twenty Hits in the 1990s and two number one hit albums, returns with his new band Abdoujaparov, named after the Uzbekistan Tour de France Cyclist.
The music is raucous, fast and sometimes a wee bit country. The lyrics, rude tender, funny and sometimes just plain bad.
They have released Four eps a single and 2 albums released on Spinach records. (Named after A kitten Jon Fat Beast gave Les Carter in 1992) The band are Huge in Australia and in Norway. This is the year they break the UK. Fresh off the back of Carter USMs November 21st/22nd Birmingham and Brixton arena dates which SOLD OUT selling 14000 tickets at £30 a time. The entire abdoujaparov tour has Sold out in England and Scotland in venues Ten times the Size of ROCK-iT brid.-The biggest Little Venue in the World.
There will be a secret support act announced on the door on the night and not before. Reserve your Ticket now. There will only be 50 unreserved tickets on sale on the night.
DRUNKEN LANDLADY in OLD TOWN Naked jogging session
November 15, 2008
The Landlady of THE PACK HORSE, Sue got so drunk on thursday night she projectile Vomited in the pub, then she took most of her clothes off and ran about in the street. Its disgusting. She still has a hangover three days on. DRINK RESPONSIBLY KIDS ?
ROCK-iT Brid ROCKS. its da BOMB …Jon Beasts stupid Column
November 15, 2008
Last nights East Coast Collective Gig at our lovely Venue was a huge success. Over 16s were allowed and the entire audience were really enthusiastic and well behaved. The bands were commited and diverse, (See Dr Bollocks Drunken review when he gets round to writing it) and the organisation was superb.We will do this on a regular basis. There I did a piece and I didn`t swear once. Fuckin Ace. oh Bollocks.!!
Kaleigh Varley is my best mate. She decided last night and I am not arguing because she is sweet, smart and an uber-babe,just thought I`d tell the world. Also Vicky, who works at the old Town Stores turns out to be really cool too. God I managed to gossip with some women last night. and I worked, alright. a bit.
Tonight at Rock-iT we have our first ever official “What really Pisses You Off” night, named after my FACEBOOK group of the same name which has over 400 posts and fifty topics added already. I shall put loads of the funnier stuff on here in the near future. ANYHOO Tonight Joel Cash (Teech) and I are going to rant to our hearts delight in the venue .probably alone. Paul “Buzzkill” Packard of London Town started his first “What Really Pisses You off” radio show last night. I will put details on here of how to tune in.
Friday nights alright for fighting (Children in Need Collectors)
November 14, 2008
We have had six bloody strangely dressed gimps in before seven thirty. Bloody Children in Dicking Need. Well the bastards can stay in need as far as I am concerned. Earlier two ten year olds threw a brick at a white van going down the high street and when an old bloke told them off they threw a brick at him. Lets give them some money. That`ll stop the cunts. So far the “Really funny” collectors have been a Vampire, a fat lesbian, two blokes wearing the same pair of trousers, a real policeman, who I told to fuck off, and Mad Cath dressed as Ronald Mc Donalds estranged Wife. Oh you stupid bunch of un funny fuckers. Piss off.
There are 5 live bands on at Rock-iT tonight. So far they have been a bit un organised but really pleasant. we`ll see what they`re like when I tell the bastards they can only do thirty minutes each then Fuck off. Roll on Monday and Southampton..
The Alligators - Rock-It - Bridlington
November 14, 2008
Saturday 8th November saw the marvellous Bridlington venue Rock-It (named after a guinness-drinking alcoholic dog!) play host to Hornsea blues maestros The Alligators. I arrived at the venue mid-afternoon, because A) I like it, B) it sells beer, and C) the people who hang out there are cool. After a few sherberts, I was looking forward to some rip-roaring live music, and some hard-core blues. I have to say that ultimately, I was a tad dissappointed. The Alligators are a good band, don’t get me wrong. They can all play, bloody well too. However, they seemed to be lacking a spark on Saturday night, and I got the vibe that they were going through the motions. Despite being tighter than a gnat’s chuff, they just didn’t get me going. They played some well known blues standards, and their musicianship was clearly evident, yet they seemed almost like they didn’t want to be there, really.
For me, the blues is about being pissed off, and let’s face it kids, there’s a lot to be pissed off about out there at the moment! We all know the blues originated in the Southern States of the USA, created by former black slaves, who, let’s face it had plenty to be pissed off about. When your white, middle-class and middle-aged, do you really have that much too be pissed off about? maybe that’s why for me, this gig didn’t work. Perhaps the band had nothing to be pissed of about on a busy Saturday in Bridlington. Who knows? There was a good crowd, who seemed to enjoy it, but I couldn’t put my finger on what was lacking for me. So I went home to sleep with Pamela and her five sisters.
I’d go and see The Alligators again, when hopefully they’ll be more ballsy. It’s a little frustrating when someone tells you a band are shit hot, because it raises your expectations. If they have an off night, you always feel a little deflated.
Rock-It - Be there or be cutting your toenails with a scythe.
Doctor Bollocks
Bridlington TV Listings
November 14, 2008
Yeah some idiot has asked i would be interested in starting an Internet TV channel and wants programme Ideas. Here`s my Saturday TV listings
7am Non interactive non Celebrity Poker Dice LIVE from the Queens Hotel. The worlds most boring game played by drunken idiots who keep forgetting the rules and end up fighting each other.
8am LIVE news from Bridlington Free Press/ all the weeks News stories read out in a silly voice and condensed into 40 seconds. Mostly involving Seagulls and Fighting outside Utopia nightclub.
8.01am Last nights highlights from the Big fight. The Olde Globe drunk vs The Wheelie Bin, Three pissheads shouting at an old lady on Quay rd, and the main event The Pavillion Bouncers vs a drunken chav girl with no top on. Commentated on by Bernie Clifton and his ostrich and The woman with the squint who presents Antiques Roadshow
9.00am Water ski Saturday from Bridlington Bay. eight drunk blokes in wetsuits three sizes too small for them falling off water skis and catching Diphtheria. Quarter Finals. The Friendly Forester vs Scarborough police, Gabbys Chippy vs Co-Op ladies (St John St branch), Speedy Peppers vs The Health Officials (Flamborough area) and The Job Centre over 40s vs The old mad bloke who smells of piss and tells everybody that Jesus will change their Lives.
11am Weather Update. Wet and windy.
11.01am Charity Shop update. How many charity shops has Bridlington this week ? Which ones smell most of wee ?
MIDDAY “Its Opening Time”, the new Gameshow, hosted at a different Bridlington Pub each week. This week, The Telegraph Three teams of 12 people debate the previous nights drinking stories. Who fucked who. Who punched Whom and why. and Who told the most lies about the size of their penis to twenty year old Somerfields assistants.
2pm LETTING FIREWORKS OFF IN….? each saturday afternoon the local chavs get all their money together to purchase as many Fireworks, crow scarers and pyrotechnics they can and choose a venue to let them all off in. This Week MARKS AND SPENCERS
3pm KICK OFF SATURDAY. just as the football kicks off all over the country so do the first fights in The Crown. Non stop coverage, blow by blow.- if wet ARGOS.
6pm Vomiting in the High street. fun for all the family. either come along to be sick after five vodkas too many or just enjoy the fun of walking through it and traipsing it into Woolworths.
7pm. Closedown. Everybody in Bridlington is now too pissed to watch TV anyway.
Beasts Bridlington Blog Thursday 14th Nov
November 13, 2008
LOCAL NEWS LOCAL NEWS… oh there is no local News
A skydiving centre outside Brid got torched. Police suspect Fire.
A 16 year old denies Murder. saying, “I wasn`t even fookin there you rasclart.” Police don’t believe him.
Lead stolen off roof
Pigeon enthusiasts take over the spa next weekend
Tesco staff punched by drunk
Begger jailed
A local man had a £20 bag of dope distroyed by police.
A man shouted at door staff
A jewellers was robbed of £4000
“Headlands School Improving”, well it couldn`t get worse.
Bloke had a wee outside pub. Got caught.
The lights will be switched on over Christmas… but nobody will be home.
Nobody got killed in the organised Fireworks displays
Loads of Houses are for sale
Thats about it really.
The Stonedrifters - Rock-It, Bridlington
November 13, 2008
Thanks for coming. You were a right laugh. If you can’t be arsed to leave your toxic little Teeside town to play what will be the best venue on the East Coast, then FUCK OFF!
Doctor Bollocks
Business Reviews
BUSINESS REVIEW. This Week Bridlington Old Town Pubs.THE QUEENS HOTEL High Street Old Town Bridlington. Reviewed by MAD GAZZA and his OWLS Way ay, I landed a canny job here like. The Bridlington Penguin has asked me,... Read more »
Bridlingtons Cartoon Network
