Pipex Homecall - Incompetant Buffoons!

December 17, 2008

Yeah yeah, I know this isn’t the place but the frustration I’ve been suffering over the last three days means you’ll have to suffer it too.

Essentially, if you want a communications company that doesn’t have a bunch of half-wit johhny foreigners based in Manilla that can do no more than read in broken English from a script that seems specifically designed to really fuck with your head, use Pipex.

You can ring all sorts of numbers - 0871 574 4444 and 0871 6633 300 to name two, (both at prime fucking rate no doubt) and you WILL want to kill yourself within a few minutes. It’s a shame I cant type what a Philippino accent sounds like - but it IS designed to really fuck you off.

And they can only say things like “I understand Sir” but still totally fail to resolve any kind of problem.
In addition, (and remember Pipex is supposed to be a communications outfit) they cannot transfer you to anyone either in charge or in another department.

The incompetance is utterly astounding.

And all they had to do is remove the pre carrier signal from my line and return my calls to BT. A job they right royally fucked up. Now, when trying to dial out all I get is “You are trying to access a service to which you are not subscribed”. I know I’m not fucking subscribed you bunch of twats - I closed the account!

So, no help from the cancellations line. No help from the Technical help line (You just get put through to Broadband ‘Support’) and no help from anyone even approaching British descent.

Written by Captain Cash · Filed Under Captain Cash's Posts | 2 Comments

Hottie Corner - New Entrant Becky Crooks

December 7, 2008

Yup this contest is hotting up. Another Jon fat Beast mate, and indeed Amy Quinns bestest friend. Introducing the babe that is BECKY CROOKS (babe C) Full details and profiles on all the lovely ladies next week plus I will get a dedicated Page written up. There are two more girls preparing their photos. I love my life. More pictures of Kaleigh Varley (Babe A) and Amy Quinn (Babe B) also.

Becky Crooks 1
Becky Crooks 2

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Bridlington's Babes | 11 Comments

Miss Jon Fat Beast Contest hots up.

December 7, 2008

Yup saturday night at Rock-iT was a mad one. Beautiful Amy Quinn Babe B was in , talking about the forthcoming contest, where everybody is a winner .Especially me. Kaleigh Varley (Babe A) was at a UK Subs gig with Fish in York but kept in touch all night by Text, and there are two new confirmed entrants, both currently preparing pictures for my blatantly sexist filth fest of a competition. More information later in the week. Only girls that know me personally can enter, thats the rules I make them up as I go along. its my bloody site I`ll do what I want. If any modeling agencies want the details of any of the girls I will vet them before passing on any details, but if you can get the beautiful women some legal modeling work, contact me at jon.beast@hotmail.co.uk Watch this space.

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Bridlington's Babes | Leave a Comment

Saturday nights alright for punching Elton John in the head

December 6, 2008

Nearly eight o clock. we`re running well late. Theres a hundred bored emo metal kids waiting around and Soundchecks are delayed by an eon because SHADOWS CHASING GHOSTS tonights main act came up from London, had to pick a guitarist up from Newcastle then back to sunny Bridlington. Got here late, after the gig they go back to Newcastle, drop off a guitarist then drive back to London for work in the morning. Dedication for you. Big respect to James and the East Coast Collective they really have their finger on the pulse. Anyhow there are three support acts, all on tours of their own, so we have major equipment overload in the hall. James will deal with it. Looks like we might have no beer for sunday. Hey ho.

MY STUPID BOSS
I AM COMPERE
EMO CHRISTMAS CARD
STUPID BAD DOG

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Beast's Blog | 2 Comments

Kirk Brandon may suffer liver failiure after drinking Rock-iT dry

December 6, 2008

Madness. Back at work after three hours sleep. didn`t leave the venue until well after 5am. Got up. No hangover. I was still pissed obviously. So was Ben, My Northern Monkey of a Boss. At least he was happy. Kirk Brandon checked out of The Queens Hotel, suffering Hot sweats and the DTs but said he had a great night. Hes travelling to my homeland, ho hum, Wales today. Probably via a few Cardiac and a and r units along the way. Boy the man can drink. A whole litre of Jamesons whisky in four hours. and hes only little I dont know where he puts it. Doctor Bollocks our resident Schoolteacher come idiot drunk reviewer will file his report later. I spent most of the evening hugging Kayleigh Varleys perfect breasts again. I must be going through the menopause. Anyway heres some photos. Looks like I shall be reviewing tonight because “Teacher Bollocks” has decided hes too old to review speed metal bands. Poof.
I'm bloody Welsh Ok?
What a lovely couple
Kirk and Kayleigh
Christopher Biggins and Ernie Wise

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Broken News | 1 Comment

4.30am saturday morning

December 6, 2008

Fuck. Fuck its so late. I have been at work for 18 hours. we just put Kirk Brandon to bed. Brilliant man. Proper full on pissed. Jeez. Great set great. night. You cant buy this sort of feeling. i got to spend from 4pm with one of my heroes and I ended up putting him to bed. ho hum. Gonna take my dog out, feed him and sleep a few hours and god we have another huge gig tonight. Yo yo yiggedy yo. I am going to pay for this so much in the morning. but as I say these nights really cant be made up…FULL REVIEW in a few days.

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Beast's Blog | Leave a Comment

babe vs babe contest jon beasts mad life goes lusty oops

December 5, 2008

Well, my life just gets stranger, but I like it. on my facebook site (add me as jon Driscoll Leeds if you care too) I have been bigging up my really great mate young beautiful Kaleigh Varley, (see pics on the Penguin) now other young female friends have been saying why cant I be a “babe” too. So its a babe off. yup. There are just too many beautiful women about for them all to be number one. so who is ? I am starting a “MISS JON BEAST FAG HAG” contest. yup just who is the most babelicious babe that I know????? you decide. week by week I shall be uploading photos of the contestants. all obviously with their permission. indeed this weeks babe Amy Quinn wants her semi naked perfect body plastered all over my venue. It could be arranged. ho hum. anyway, Kaleigh Varley is a babe, she is Babe A Babe B is amy Quinn there will be no voting for a few months while I get all the young ladies pics on my site. Fuck miss world. This is Miss Jon Beast.
Kaleigh Babe 1 Kaleigh Babe 2 Kaleigh Babe 3 Kaleigh Babe 4

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Bridlington's Babes | 3 Comments

KIRK BRANDON GIG AT Rock-iT WILL SELL OUT SOON

December 1, 2008

If you want a £4 ticket for this Friday dec 5th please call 07974555183 as soon as possible.

More Local News.

I must leave Kaleigh Varleys Breasts alone when I am drunk. She is only 20 for god sake. I am sorry sweetie but you do encourage me.And lets be Honest you are such a babe that people dont need much encouraging.

Written by Jon Fat Beast · Filed Under Beast's Blog | Leave a Comment

Abdoujaparov - Rock-It - Bridlington

December 1, 2008

Abdoujaparov is apparently, if I remember correctly, a Ukranian cyclist, according to frontman Fruitbat, (yes he of Carter USM fame) who explained this fact during Friday’s storming gig at Bridlington’s finest music venue. Quite what that has to do with Fruitbat’s wry and witty observations on life, conveyed through a blistering power-pop punk set to a small but receptive crowd, I’m not sure. However, its only a name! The band stopped off to play Rock-It on their way to Glasgow for another show on Saturday, and are we glad they did!!

This was easily the best gig I’ve seen at Rock-It by a country mile, but that’s to be expected with someone of Fruitbat’s musical pedigree, and he didn’t disappoint. A cracking set of catchy as hell tunes played with passion and panache by an excellent band, who are apparently all part of Carter’s roadcrew, delivering Fruitbat’s witty and occassionally ascerbic observations on the 21st Century. They made it look easy, and managed to get an excellent balance.The night was compered by honorary YO16 gang member Jon Beast, who was suffering from a bout of depression following the alarming discovery that he is, in fact, Welsh. He stoked up the crowd before the band launched into a banging set of powerful, catchy tunes, that got some of us wrecking at the front. It is possible to see now where The Arctic Monkeys got their influence from, (they’d obviously listened to Carter or Abdoujaparov) but this band are much more clever both musically and lyrically. Closing with the quite manic “Fish Face,” the band were well appreciated by the Old Town audience. My only complaint was that more people weren’t there to witness it. I was still buzzing from this gig the following day!

Doctor’s Tip - Don’t moan about paying £4 you tight cunts, its nothing for a band of this cailbre. I hope Abdoujaparov come back to play Rock-It again. My name will be first on the list for a ticket if they do.

Rock-It: be there or be counting your shekels

Doctor Bollocks

Can I add as a footnote we were only 12 tickets shy of a sell out. I would rather people had space to breath. Also the band stayed at the venue drinking til 6am, awoke at 1pm had breakfast and drove for 7 hours to Glasgow. Check out the photos. JON FAT WELSHMAN BEAST.

Written by Dr Bollocks · Filed Under Broken News | Leave a Comment

East Coast Collective Gig Review

December 1, 2008

The decision to move the East Coast Collective gigs to Rock-It seemed a logical one for James to make, enabling the set up to have a dedicated music venue as a base for their gigs, and also take advantage of the advice and help of Jon Beast. This was the first gig to be held at the venue, and attracted a fairly big crowd of young music fans. This was encouraging to see; young people being into live music is so obviously a positive thing, and the kids were alright, as The Who might have said!

I arrived late, after getting abuse from Jon Beast who thought I wasn’t going to turn up, to catch the end of Abe Dargue (is this his real name?) a solo acoustic act. I only caught the last 2 tunes, but he seemed quite good for a young lad, like. Next up were Brid’s own little scallys, Spider Pie. They played an impromptu gig on Halloween, stunning several of us with a sharp set of Arctic Monkey inspired tunes. However, tonight they were not as good, suffering a couple of technical problems at the beginning which seemed to throw them off balance. Nonetheless, these guys are aged 16 to 18, and to be as tight as they are already, is no mean feat, and they have already developed quite a following. They’d played in Scarborough the previous night, and singer Callum Topham was sporting a black eye from the mosh pit, allegedly. That’s rock’n'roll! The lad still needs to sort his barnet out though!

Next band were Fights & Fires, who play what I’d describe as nu-metal. They were tight, and all duck-walks and swinging mics round, but not really my thing. The kids liked them though.

By the time Above Them came on, I’d adjourned to the bar for refreshement, and became ensconced in conversation with a woman, a real one with breasts and stuff, so I didn’t really see them.

Headliners LYU came on, a band that are being pushed in Kerrang! and are about to have fame thrust upon them, apparently. Again, a band that sound kind of grungy/metal, perhaps with a hint of Nirvana influence in there, they are tight, but for me, not particularly original. This is obviously a sign of age! The kids loved it though, and all in all the first EEC event was a success. I look forward to the next one on December 6th.

Message for the kids: Rock-It; be there or be nicking someone’s trainers.

Doctor Bollocks

Written by Dr Bollocks · Filed Under Broken News | Leave a Comment

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